To online date or not to date? That is the question.

With COVID running rampant, bars shutting down and house parties becoming more notorious than they were in high school; there is a greater inability to meet someone in the wild than ever before. I was never the white knight who strolled around a bar talking to strange women and successfully leaving with one of them. As outgoing as I am it's always in a controlled, close-knit environment where I am more successful. Otherwise I’m not as engaged and if women have an interest they may need to seek me out. On a dating app this translates to “so when can we meet for a drink?” which is a polite way of saying “get off your ass and ask me out!” But unlike meeting in the wild, meeting off an app is basically a glorified blind date.

I’ve been dating online for 3 months now and I’ve learned a lot in that short time. The most common phenomenon I’ve experienced is when a woman uses her old photos on her profile. This makes them even more cute and irresistible of course, but when we meet in real life I’m shocked when they’ve aged 10-15 years and gain 20 pounds in one week! I fall for it every time. Unfortunately, like many others, this results in a “one and done” dating mentality. If we could all just lead with honesty and transparency we would start off on a better foot. What makes this more frustrating is the fact that we’ve already invested a good amount of time into just getting to the date.

It’s about on average a 3-4 week project to get a date in this virtual playing field. This dance typically includes liking them or “swiping right” like the kids say, then waiting for a reply which can take 2-3 days. Next comes small talk, investigating their other social media profiles, possibly exchanging phone numbers which could take over a week. Then when you finally reach a comfortable pace you muster up the confidence to ask the other person out. The rest is a fairytale right? Wrong.

This whole virtual dating thing is simply a vanity affair in disguise. Remember, women often get 50-100 likes per week, my average is 5-10 (usually less but that’s embarrassing to admit) I no longer have a fastball. I am a 62 year old cancer survivor with multiple houses, a beautiful wine cellar, the means to travel, etc. But initially none of that helps me get noticed. (If they could only meet me!) I am sure guys with a full head of hair and a “fit bod” get a lot more attention than I do but typically end up being shallow jerks, which is why they are still single. Everyone talks about needing a man with a sense of humor, who is kind, generous, caring, sweet, romantic - this list goes on. But when we judged each other so swiftly based on our photos it’s no wonder why our connections can begin and end so quickly.

So you’re probably wondering if I will continue to date online after telling you everything I hate about it, right? The answer is yes. Why? Because when you do finally match with someone who exceeds your expectations in real life you’ll quickly forget all about the bullshit you went through before them.

Good luck out there!